TRANSCRIPT
Office Ladies | Episode 300 - Micheal Scott: The Candy Bag Alts
Jenna [00:00:04] I'm Jenna Fischer,
Angela [00:00:05] and I'm Angela Kinsey.
Jenna [00:00:06] We were on "The Office" together,
Angela [00:00:08] and we're best friends.
Jenna [00:00:09] And now we're doing the ultimate Office lover's podcast, just for you.
Angela [00:00:13] Each week we will dive deeper into the world of The Office with exclusive interviews, behind the scenes details, and lots of BFF stories.
Jenna [00:00:21] We're the Office Ladies 6.0.
audio cue [00:00:00] [audio sting]
Jenna [00:00:01] Hello!
Angela [00:00:01] Hi there!
Jenna [00:00:02] Yay!
Angela [00:00:03] What's up?
Jenna [00:00:04] We got energy today.
Angela [00:00:05] We do. Is it because we're starting a little bit later? I've had lunch. I've had several iced teas.
Jenna [00:00:11] Yeah, I've had breakfast and lunch now.
Angela [00:00:13] Yeah.
Jenna [00:00:14] We usually record in the morning.
Angela [00:00:15] I know, fuller tank after lunch?
Jenna [00:00:20] I think so.
Angela [00:00:21] You guys, we're giving you the play-by-play. We have a super fun episode today. I know we say that all the time, but this is something that is so close to my heart. You guys know I love the Candy Bag alts. We fell in love with them during our rewatch of The Office. Today we are gonna dig in deep to some Candy Bags.
Jenna [00:00:41] Yes. If you've listened to the podcast for a while, you know what we're talking about when we say The Office Candy Bag. But just in case we have some new folks listening today, quick recap. So on the set of The Office, the writers used to write us extra dialog that would serve as alternate jokes in a scene or maybe an alternate take on a talking head.
Angela [00:01:06] Exactly. And then sometimes they would write us multiple pages of alts and Greg was worried that we would get grumpy about having to learn all these extra lines so he came up with this sort of phrase called "Candy Bag" because his theory was, basically, who's ever sad about getting a bag of candy?
Jenna [00:01:22] Isn't that such a way that one would manipulate Michael Scott, specifically?
Angela [00:01:29] Yes, Greg said that he sort of thought of us as his children. He was like, "What would I say to my kids to motivate them? Ooh, candy."
Jenna [00:01:36] Well, what we've learned over the years of rewatching The Office for this podcast is that the Candy Bag alts are full of wonderful treasures. Just hilarious moments written for each of our characters. Angela, you started digging into them and they're always so fun. We got a couple letters. First, from Marcus R. in Grand Rapids, Michigan, who said, "Hi ladies, I love the podcast. I've been listening since the beginning."
Angela [00:02:03] Go Marcus!
Jenna [00:02:04] "I know you like to hear how people listen, and I listen when I walk my dog Luke in the evenings."
Angela [00:02:11] Luke. Oh my gosh.
Jenna [00:02:12] I know.
Angela [00:02:12] I love animals with real human names.
Jenna [00:02:14] People names.
Angela [00:02:15] Yes.
Jenna [00:02:16] I know Marcus doesn't say what kind of dog Luke is, but I'm imagining a golden retriever.
Angela [00:02:21] Oh, okay.
Jenna [00:02:22] I don't know, maybe write us back, Marcus. Tell us if we're right. But Marcus goes on to say, "I love when Angela shares from the Candy Bag. I can't believe how they could write so many different versions of the same scene or talking head and they are all so freaking funny." And Sarah P from Flagstaff, Arizona said, "I've been listening to the second drinks and I love every time Angela shares from the Candy Bag."
Angela [00:02:44] Well, Sarah and Marcus, thank you, because I love it too. Like you said, it's just treasure after treasure. So we thought it might be fun to do an episode where we share Candy Bag alts for each character of The Office. We figured, what better way to start than with Michael Scott? Holy moly, people. We have uncovered some amazing Michael moments. We can't wait to share them with you.
Jenna [00:03:07] But first, let's start with our chitchat from Carolyn G. in Orange County, California.
Carolyn G. [00:03:14] Hi, ladies. I'm also a fan of Amy Poehler's podcast, "Good Hang," and she often brings up her Enneagram number, which is that personality test from a scale from one to nine, and she compares hers with her guests. I was wondering if you ladies have ever taken that test and if you think your number matches you well or not. I am so curious to hear. Thanks.
Jenna [00:03:36] Thanks, Carolyn.
Angela [00:03:36] I know! I was really curious about this because I'm also a fan of Amy's podcast and I've heard her talk about it and I didn't know what it was.
Jenna [00:03:45] I've known what it is for a while. I did not ever take the test because... I don't know what this says about me. Maybe this is fitting within my Enneagram, but I don't love things that sort of put me in a...
Angela [00:04:03] In a box or label?
Jenna [00:04:04] Yeah, I don't like psychics telling me my future because I believe in free will and I don t believe that my life was set out, like that it was only ever going to be one way. I believe we can choose our destiny and so I sort of feel that way. But for you Carolyn, I took this test.
Angela [00:04:23] Wow.
Jenna [00:04:24] And I sent it to you Anne.
Angela [00:04:25] You did, look what you did for love of the podcast community, lady. I love it.
Jenna [00:04:30] I know.
Angela [00:04:30] I also took the test. Unlike you one: I didn't know about it and two: I wasn't nervous about it and three: whatever they say I'm like, "Yeah, whatever."
Jenna [00:04:38] I'm so curious what you are. I don't know what the nine are, I just know what I am now.
Angela [00:04:45] I don't know what the nine are either, but I guess Amy is an eight. I looked that up. So I guess what an eight is called is "the Challenger." I don't know very much about this, guys. So I guess a Challenger energy is described as someone who charges the room, gets into action immediately. They have a desire to lead and manage power effectively, things like that.
Jenna [00:05:12] Well, the test that we took gave me a percentage for each one of the nine types. I have one that I was 95%.
Angela [00:05:22] Me too.
Jenna [00:05:23] Like, my number one was like a strong number one.
Angela [00:05:26] Same.
Jenna [00:05:27] Incidentally, I am number one, I'm a type one.
Angela [00:05:31] What is that?
Jenna [00:05:32] "The Reformer."
Angela [00:05:33] The Reformer, ooh.
Jenna [00:05:35] I focus on ethics, order, precision, and the inner critic. It was kind of accurate. It was kinda bumming me out how accurate it was, for all of my not wanting to be painted with one brush.
Angela [00:05:48] My 95% category is type two, "The Helper."
Jenna [00:05:54] Wow.
Angela [00:05:55] I focus on generosity, the need to be needed (I don't know if that's great) and the fear of being unlovable. I don't think that's me.
Jenna [00:06:02] I don't think you have a fear of being unlovable. I think you know how lovable you are.
Angela [00:06:06] Oh, stop.
Jenna [00:06:07] No, I think you know that you are good at loving people and being loved.
Angela [00:06:13] I like helping people, I do. So maybe there is something there, that I like to be of service and needed. My second highest score, though, was the Challenger. Same as Amy Poehler. I charge into a room and wanna help you, aggressively.
Jenna [00:06:33] You know what's interesting? My Helper score is very low. The Helper, 52% the Helper. My second was the Achiever. So I'm a Reformer and an Achiever, I guess.
Angela [00:06:44] Well, my Reformer score is 80%.
Jenna [00:06:48] You're there. You're with me.
Angela [00:06:51] What's your lowest score?
Jenna [00:06:52] My lowest was the Peacemaker. I don't know what that means.
Angela [00:06:57] My Peacemaker's right in the middle, it's 83. My lowest was (this makes me sound like such a basic b***h) the Individualist. I just want to go with the flow.
Jenna [00:07:12] You know, I remember the questions that I think might have pertained to being a person who is the Peacemaker, because it's all like strongly agree, agree, neutral, disagree, strongly disagree. I feel like Peacemaker questions were things like, "It's very hard for me when people are in conflict." It's not hard for me. I don't feel the need to make peace. I think we can spend time in a messy, confrontational space where we're figuring things out. It's okay.
Angela [00:07:42] Mm-hmm. Yeah, I don't know I have to say I was not a fan of the test. I don't like tests that are multiple choice.
Jenna [00:07:50] How would you have done the test differently?
Angela [00:07:52] I don't know this is not my job, to create the test, but I'm just saying I wasn't a fan. I don't like strongly agree/agree/neutral/disagree/strongly disagree.
Jenna [00:08:06] Did you strongly agree or strongly disagree to things?
Angela [00:08:09] Sometimes.
Jenna [00:08:10] Yeah, same. I strongly agreed to a lot of stuff.
Angela [00:08:14] Well, you're a Reformer.
Jenna [00:08:16] Yeah, it's true, I guess.
Angela [00:08:19] Well, it was very interesting. Sam, have you taken this test?
Sam [00:08:23] No, I haven't. I'm going to take it right now.
Angela [00:08:25] Oh, will you tell us at the end what your number is?
Sam [00:08:26] Yes, I will.
Jenna [00:08:27] Do you want us to send it to you, the one that we took?
Sam [00:08:30] Yes, I would.
Jenna [00:08:31] It costs $1.50 to get your results.
Sam [00:08:32] I'm more than willing to pay.
Angela [00:08:34] I'm pretty sure now I'm gonna be on an email list, too.
Sam [00:08:37] Oh yeah, your information's sold, for sure.
Jenna [00:08:42] Well Carolyn, there you go. If I ever go on Good Hang, I'll know my score. That's good, right?
Angela [00:08:49] Oh yeah. And I wanna ask her about being the Challenger.
Jenna [00:08:52] Yeah, you share that.
Angela [00:08:53] I do, that's number two on my list.
Jenna [00:08:57] I know. Alright, well everyone, why don't we take a break and when we come back buckle in, because it's Michael Scott Candy Bag.
audio cue [00:09:07] [musical sting]
Jenna [00:09:07] We are back, and to kick things off, I thought we needed a little candy.
Angela [00:09:13] Like, real life candy?
Jenna [00:09:14] Real candy.
Angela [00:09:15] What did you bring?
Jenna [00:09:17] I wanted to know, did Michael Scott have a favorite candy?
Angela [00:09:21] Is it the Whatchamacallit, or something?
Jenna [00:09:23] Well, that's not his favorite, and I couldn't find anything really specific. He loves sweets, we know that. But in "The Meeting," season six, episode two, he does try to share his love of jelly beans with Jim. So I brought jelly beans.
Angela [00:09:38] Oh, great.
Jenna [00:09:39] There you go, and have some jelly beans.
Angela [00:09:43] Okay.
Jenna [00:09:44] Do you like jelly beans?
Angela [00:09:45] [mouth full of jelly beans] I do, what's not to like?
Jenna [00:09:48] I know, I like them too.
Angela [00:09:49] I love jelly beans. I even love some funky flavors.
Jenna [00:09:52] So do you like a Jelly Belly that has a real flavor, or do you like - The ones that I brought, these are just your typical, Brach's tiny jelly beans. Like, the kind you have at Easter. Guess where mine are from.
Angela [00:10:05] Easter.
Jenna [00:10:06] Yeah.
Angela [00:10:06] The outside was a little crunchy.
Jenna [00:10:10] Well, I want them out of my house. So thank you.
Angela [00:10:13] You were spring cleaning. I was talking to you and you were telling me all the different stuff you're cleaning out. So I guess you just got rid of your jelly beans.
Jenna [00:10:20] Well, I'm lucky Michael Scott liked them, so it worked out.
Angela [00:10:21] Mhm. You are.
Jenna [00:10:23] So listen, I was also really curious when we said we were gonna dig into these. I wanted to get into the context of like, how did the Candy Bags work from a production standpoint? You know, like, how would they decide which version of a scene or a talking head to use? So we reached out to Dave Rogers to ask him, and we said, when he would do his assembly (when he would his editor's pass), would he use the scripted version? Or did he have license to put in the Candy Bag one? How were these things organized? How did it all work?
Angela [00:10:59] This is very much your producer brain wanting to figure it out, which I love about you. Well, here's what Dave said. By the way, Dave always gets back to us right away.
Jenna [00:11:08] I know.
Angela [00:11:09] I say it a gazillion times, but I love him. He said, "We would get all of the takes of a talking head and the assistant editors would usually label them as alt A, alt B, et cetera. The editors would watch them all and put into the assembly, whatever take they liked the best. It did not matter if it was the scripted line or a must-shoot alt or a Candy Bag alt. Same for scenes in the show. It didn't matter to the editors if a line was officially scripted or if there was a new joke or dialog that a writer pitched on set or an actor improvised. Once a scene was filmed and ready to edit, whatever was the funniest and best served the show and that made it into the cut.
Jenna [00:11:47] Very interesting. So the editors really had a lot of agency to go through that footage and kind of pick what they thought worked best.
Angela [00:11:57] Remember, Jenna, when you and I co-presented at the Editor's Awards? I remember several people, as they got up and they were talking about the different awards they got, a theme was that a writer writes the script but the second storyteller is the editor. I thought that was really powerful.
Jenna [00:12:16] Yeah, I mean, when Lee made his movie, "The Giant Mechanical Man," we shot the scenes in a certain order, but then when he went in with his editor, they rearranged stuff.
Angela [00:12:27] That's crazy to me.
Jenna [00:12:29] Me too! Yeah, they moved certain things up. Or we put all the comedy in a row, maybe we wanna break it up with something more sentimental or something more moving. I was fascinated because that was the first time that I had been attached to a project from a producerial standpoint, where I really saw stuff from page to screen. It changed a lot in editing.
Angela [00:12:55] Yeah. Editors are amazing. Full stop. Well, let's really dig in now to these Michael Scott Candy Bag alts. Jenna, I did not tell you which episodes I dug into. My only hint to you was that I took things from our early seasons. Are you ready for something pretty amazing from season two?
Jenna [00:13:12] What?
Angela [00:13:13] I can't even believe I found this because we did such a comprehensive breakdown of this particular episode with Greg Daniels. Try to guess the episode.
Jenna [00:13:23] "Booze Cruise?"
Angela [00:13:24] YES! How is there anything left for discovery about Booze Cruise? But I'm telling you, the Candy Bags are amazing. So, remember the scene in Booze Cruise, at the beginning of the episode, when everyone's in the conference room and Michael is sharing that they're gonna go on this boat as part of his "leadership exercises?"
Jenna [00:13:45] Yes.
Angela [00:13:45] He has a talking head about being a motivational speaker. I wanna play for you what made it into the episode. Then I want you to know that there were seven Candy Bag alts for this one talking head. They're hilarious. I'm gonna pick four favorites to share with you, but let's hear the one that made it in the episode first.
clip from The Office - Michael Scott [00:14:06] I am a great motivational speaker. I attended a Tony Robbins event by the airport last year, and it wasn't the actual course. You have to pay for the actual course, but it talked about the actual course. I've incorporated a lot of his ideas into my own course.
Angela [00:14:28] So yeah, there were seven Candy Bag alts for this. I just want to share with you some of my favorites. Here's one. Michael would have said, "I have incorporated many of his ideas. 'Michael, give us all the answers.' No, I will not do that. I will lead you to the answers and give you some of the answers. You will get the rest of the answers when you pay for my course."
Jenna [00:14:53] That's ridiculous.
Angela [00:14:54] Then he said, here's another alt. "Tony Robbins is international. I am local and national. So more accessibility to people, thus better at motivating. I get so happy when I motivate someone and so sad when I do the opposite, which is why I stopped doing that." So wait, he stopped motivating people?
Jenna [00:15:14] For fear of doing the opposite?
Angela [00:15:16] Of making them sad? Anyway, cracked me up. Alright, here's another one. "Tony Robbins is about reaching for the stars. My employees are never going to reach the stars and telling them they can is just mean. What I can do is get them drunk and motivate them to just reach up, reach to the ceiling!" [cracks up laughing] Okay, wait, I have two more. "When I motivationally speak, it's like a natural high for me. I can see why people are addicted to crack, because when I motivate, I wanna motivate again like 15 minutes later." What?
Jenna [00:15:54] Michael.
Angela [00:15:54] Alright, so that's a little bit of Michael Scott Candy Bag Alts from Booze Cruise, season two. And then I thought, "What's happening in season three?" Lady, almost like I spun a wheel, I just did my cursor down my computer. I just landed on "Beach Games."
Jenna [00:16:11] Oooooh.
Angela [00:16:12] Are you ready? This is so fun. The Michael Scott talking head alts for Beach Games were super stacked. I shared a little bit in our second drink about talking heads that Phyllis and Meredith had, because people had a lot of feelings about this beach day. But I wanna share the ones where Michael is really sort of trying to figure out his legacy as he's leaving Dunder Mifflin to go to the corporate offices. Here's the talking head that aired, and then I'm gonna share a few that were in the Candy Bag alts.
clip from The Office - Michael Scott [00:16:42] I want today to be a beautiful memory that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it, then it'll suck.
Jenna [00:16:56] Oh yeah, this is how he manages to leave Toby behind, right?
Angela [00:17:02] Uh huh. But this is sort of the beginning of this runner about what his legacy is, right? Then they wrote a ton, a ton of alts and I wanna share them with you.
Jenna [00:17:12] Amazing.
Angela [00:17:14] "What do you remember from a movie? The ending? You know at the end of 'Pirates of the Caribbean,' when Johnny Depp goes 'Aaaargh,' that's all I remember from that movie. And it was my favorite movie too. So through all the ups and downs, all the trials and tribianes, when they remember Michael Scott in Scranton, they're gonna remember it was a day at the beach, Aaaargh." Most of all, I love that he says trials and tribianes. Do you think he loved "Friends?" He must have loved Friends, right?
Jenna [00:17:42] Of course, Michael loved Friends.
Angela [00:17:43] Of course. Here's another one. "One of the best fortune cookies I ever got: 'Live so that your name will be written in hearts, not in stone.' And an all-time best: 'Help, I am trapped in a fortune cookie factory.' That's what I want people to remember of the days I spent in Scranton. Jokes, games, hugs. 'Working for Michael was like a day at the beach.'" But if that doesn't sum up Michael Scott, that what he wanted his employees to remember were jokes, games, and hugs.
Jenna [00:18:16] Yeah.
Angela [00:18:17] Alright, I have three more and then I promise I'll be done. They were so good. Here's another one from Michael. "When I'm working in my fancy new corporate office and I think of Scranton, I don't wanna remember just Pam answering the phone or Stanley writing up purchase orders. I want to remember them like they'll be today. Having splash fights and digging castles in the sand, just playing like children, and maybe some of them in bikinis."
Jenna [00:18:46] Oh dear.
Angela [00:18:49] Okay, here's one more. "My favorite kind of sale is a twofer. Pay full price for one thing, get another of the same thing for free. What's better than a two-fer? A three-fer. And that's what today is. We're going to the beach, have a great time, and in the meantime, I'm gonna find my replacement and the staff is gonna have a full day worth of memories that say, 'Michael Scott is the best boss ever.' Three for the price of fun." Three for the price of fun, lady. Jokes, games, and hugs. This is Michael Scott. Last one. Okay, for real, last one. Michael would have said this. "I have an interior motive for going to the beach."
Jenna [00:19:29] An interior motive?
Angela [00:19:31] "I can't decide who to recommend as my replacement. Not surprising, tall order. I'm going to test them all with carnival games until a hero emerges." Anyway, those are some Michael Scott Candy Bag alts from Booze Cruise and Beach Games. I thought you get a little season two, you get little season three. How amazing were those?
Jenna [00:19:52] I mean, every single one of them is gold.
Angela [00:19:55] I know.
Jenna [00:19:55] Truly.
Angela [00:19:56] Trials and Tribianes. Come on.
Jenna [00:19:57] I can hear Steve doing them, too.
Angela [00:20:00] I know, I'm sorry you guys had to put up with me reading them because I can just hear Michael Scott's voice so clear in my head. But I mean, there's so many that I just now want to commit to memory. "Jokes, games and hugs," "trials and tribianis," "I have an interior motive."
Jenna [00:20:17] I mean those are all great!
Angela [00:20:20] I know! The thing I was the most surprised about in all those alts is that there wasn't more Toby bashing.
Jenna [00:20:27] Well, lady, I knew you were looking into early season Candy Bags. So I decided to look into one of my favorite episodes, one of just my personal favorite episodes: "Dream Team."
Angela [00:20:37] Got it.
Jenna [00:20:38] I was particularly curious if there were any alts from when Pam goes to Michael's condo and he's making the French toast, because I felt like I remembered shooting alternates for that. First of all, I want to share that the Candy Bag for Dream Team was 54 pages long.
Angela [00:20:58] That's nuts.
Jenna [00:21:00] Almost twice as long as the actual script. Now part of that is because what they'll do is put the scripted talking head followed by then what the alts are, or they'll the scene followed by the alts. So you have the original one to reference, but still... I mean, Candy Bags were thicker than our scripts. So I'm going through, looking at these 54 pages, and I was right. There were a bunch of extended alternate endings for the scene where Michael asks Pam how she wants her french toast. So first, let's listen to how the scene went down.
clip from The Office - Pam [00:21:40] This looks great, Michael.
clip from The Office - Michael Scott [00:21:42] Thank you. Would you like some french toast?
Jenna [00:21:45] Yes, please.
clip from The Office - Michael Scott [00:21:47] What shape?
clip from The Office - Pam [00:21:49] ...Square is fine?
Jenna [00:21:51] So that's it. It's very simple. But they had all these alternate endings that they wrote for the scene. I found this kind of fascinating because I thought that this was such a good example of how even the smallest moments, they were so dedicated to them being as funny as possible that they wrote alternates to that little French toast exchange.
Angela [00:22:14] Yeah.
Jenna [00:22:15] Okay, so here's an alternate. Michael says, "French toast?" Pam says, "Yes, please." He says, "What shape?" And then it says, "[Pam, caught off guard.] "Square is fine." Michael, "Where's your sense of adventure?" Pam, "You're right. Triangle it is." Pause. Michael says, "How about squares?"
Angela [00:22:40] [laughing] Because that's what he can clearly make.
Jenna [00:22:42] Pam goes, "Sure." There were two more. Michael says, "French toast?" Pam says, "Yes, please." Michael says, "Any allergies I should know about?" Pam says shellfish. Michael says, "Let me wash my hands."
Angela [00:22:59] What?
Jenna [00:23:00] Hey, what were you doing before I got there, Michael?
Angela [00:23:02] Oh, Lord.
Jenna [00:23:03] What happened? What were you handling before I arrived?
Angela [00:23:06] I don't wanna know.
Jenna [00:23:07] Okay, Michael says, "French toast?" Pam says, "Yes, Please." Michael says, "Sourdough or white?" Pam says, "Sour dough." Michael says, "Hmm. That one's not sliced..." Pam says, "White is fine," and then Michael, in an exuberant French accent, says, "Toast Francais!" That's it.
Angela [00:23:30] Toast Francais.
Jenna [00:23:33] I just loved it. And I remember we did all of those.
Angela [00:23:37] I was gonna say, I have memories where we would get to set things up a little differently line by line. A lot of times those moments led to the best take that was none of those but it freed you up somehow, you know?
Jenna [00:23:51] So then (if you remember) later in this episode, Michael, Ryan, Vikram, and Pam all go to see Michael's Nana at the nursing home. They're gonna pitch the Michael Scott Paper Company to her investment group, which is an actual group of people who might give them money.
Angela [00:24:07] It was so good.
Jenna [00:24:08] So when he gets there, Michael goes through and he introduces all of us. He has a way of introducing us that kind of makes us sound better than we are. But here, let's listen.
clip from The Office - Michael Scott [00:24:22] I have assembled what I believe to be the most exciting, sought after talent in the industry today. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the dream team. From our very own Scranton, Pennsylvania, Pam Beasley. Pretty Pam is always reaching for the stars, and someday she may just surprise us all and grab one. Meet Vikram, from his humble beginnings as a [whispers off mic] stay standing. [he continues] From his humble beginnings as a prominent surgeon, he risked it all to become the most successful telemarketer in the Lipophedrine industry. And do not call it a comeback. The youngest vice president in the history of Dunder Mifflin and recent bowling alley employee, Ryan Howard, is about to make a splash in paper.
Angela [00:25:16] Are you about to tell me there are alts for the intros?
Jenna [00:25:19] Only for the intro's of Ryan.
Angela [00:25:22] Oh, come on.
Jenna [00:25:22] Which I found so telling, because I think they just had a really good time writing alternate ways for Michael to introduce that particular character.
Angela [00:25:34] Yeah, yeah.
Jenna [00:25:35] Ryan, so there were 10 alts. I'm going to read five. He might have said, "With extensive experience in the criminal justice system," or "a maverick who's used to breaking all the rules."
Angela [00:25:53] Nice.
Jenna [00:25:55] "He knows the world of pharmaceuticals from the inside." I liked this one. "An outspoken advocate for justice who has argued in front of judges throughout the state." It's a nice spin.
Angela [00:26:09] It's nice spin on his court hearing.
Jenna [00:26:10] Exactly.
Angela [00:26:12] And also "a man of substances who doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit.'" So there you go. Also, while I was digging around in the Candy Bags, I found an episode pitch called "Michael Goes to Washington." This is sort of the ultimate Candy Bag, right? It's a whole episode pitch. This would have been a card on the wall. I thought I could share that as well.
Jenna [00:26:43] Let's hear it.
Angela [00:26:45] Here's what would have happened in Michael Goes To Washington. The episode was gonna start with Michael coming into the office. He's been at the dentist and he's holding a year old copy of "Economist" magazine.
Angela [00:26:57] Okay.
Jenna [00:26:59] Apparently he read it all cover to cover in the waiting room, and he is now suddenly terrified about America's future.
Angela [00:27:06] Oh, no, this is classic Michael. Ughh. Okay.
Jenna [00:27:11] But remember, everything he's read is one year old.
Angela [00:27:13] Right.
Jenna [00:27:13] Nonetheless, he orders various people into the conference room to brainstorm solutions to America's problems. I'm sorry, is that not a conference room scene that you would love to see? Various members of the office brainstorming America's problems?
Angela [00:27:29] I mean this is the thing that Mindy has said in interviews, that she would love to write Michael Scott's take on things.
Jenna [00:27:35] I know. Like, incredible. So, as they're doing this research, Dwight tells everybody that these problems are a non-issue because the earth will not survive the Yellowstone Supervolcano. Side note, that is a real thing, I didn't know.
Angela [00:27:55] What?
Jenna [00:27:56] The Yellowstone Supervolcano, I didn't know about it. Do you know about it?
Angela [00:28:00] No.
Jenna [00:28:02] I Googled it.
Angela [00:28:03] There's a Supervolcano?
Jenna [00:28:04] There is a massive volcanic system under Yellowstone National Park.
Angela [00:28:10] Is that why Old Faithful blows all the time?
Jenna [00:28:13] I don't know, but if it explodes... When it explodes. They're saying it'll explode, probably not in the next 100 years. But eventually it will cover most of the United States with ash and sulfur dioxide.
Angela [00:28:30] What?
Jenna [00:28:31] Yeah.
Angela [00:28:31] It's like an ice age event. It's just gonna wipe everything out.
Jenna [00:28:35] Correct. To Dwight's point, nothing will matter because we're gonna go into a decades long volcanic winter. Crops will die, temperatures will plummet. It's just something to think about. Worry about that.
Angela [00:28:47] Okay, I need Michael Bay to get on this. He needs to cast Ben Affleck. He needs to "Armageddon" this s**t.
Jenna [00:28:58] Yeah. You know what? It's an oppo-Armageddon. In Armageddon, they send the oil guys, the drillers, up into space. Why don't we get a group of astronauts to dig into the volcano?
Angela [00:29:09] Into the Volcano. It writes itself.
Jenna [00:29:12] It does. Get someone on the phone.
Angela [00:29:15] Wait, do you want to watch Armageddon with me? When's the last time you saw it?
Jenna [00:29:19] Oh my God, it's been forever ago. You want to do it?
Angela [00:29:23] Oh my god, Sam, have you seen Armageddon?
Sam [00:29:25] Yeah, I've seen Armageddon.
Jenna [00:29:26] Like, recently?
Sam [00:29:27] No, no, no. Not since theaters in 1996.
Angela [00:29:29] Me either, I haven't seen it since I saw it in the theater. How is it that we all remember it so well? It's clearly an amazing movie. Do we need to do it as an Office Ladies does Armageddon?
Sam [00:29:40] Yes.
Jenna [00:29:41] "Summer blockbuster: Office Ladies do Armageddon." We'll see, stay tuned. Alright, back to the plot. Michael is gonna choose a team. He's decided that their ideas are so great, they need to get them to a representative in Washington DC. So he chooses a team to go with him to deliver their findings. He chooses Dwight and Andy. When they get there (and it looks like the intention was to shoot this in Washington, DC) they get distracted.
Angela [00:30:10] Oh.
Jenna [00:30:11] Can you believe it? Michael wants to visit the Smithsonian because the set from "MASH" is there, Dwight wants to visit the Secret Service, he also has a bone to pick with the Department of Agriculture, and he wants to look at the back of the Declaration of Independence. According to this document, they will eventually meet their congressmen. Dwight has a complicated plan for breaking into the office and ambushing him, but when they get there, it's actually not hard to get access at all. The congressman is just wandering around the halls, which feels to me very much like the episode where they break in to Utica and they steal the whole copier.
Angela [00:30:54] Mm-hmm.
Jenna [00:30:55] It's a very elaborate plan that didn't need to be such.
Angela [00:30:57] Exactly, they could just walk right in.
Jenna [00:31:00] And it says, "The congressman is very friendly and charming, but passes them off to an aide who gives them each a signed photo and a flag pin."
Angela [00:31:08] Aw.
Jenna [00:31:09] That's kind of how it is.
Angela [00:31:11] They get a coaster or a napkin, they're so happy.
Jenna [00:31:15] Exactly.
Angela [00:31:16] Oh, I love that so much. Gosh, the Candy Bags, they don't disappoint. Ever.
Jenna [00:31:20] They don't.
Angela [00:31:21] We need to do this for every character.
Jenna [00:31:23] I agree. Then we can loop back because there's more Michael Scott we didn't cover, but you know...
Angela [00:31:28] Yeah. Well, that's just all too much fun. And now we have an assignment, Armageddon. I think we should take a break and come back with some Around the Towns.
Jenna [00:31:38] And our Office question of the week.
audio cue [00:31:39] [musical sting]
Angela [00:31:43] Alright, we are back. Our first Around the Town comes from Lexi T. in County Cork, Ireland. Lexi wrote in and said this, "This past weekend, I completed my first proper hike in preparation for the Three Peaks Challenge in the UK. The challenge will aim to have the team summit the three highest peaks in the U.K., all within 24 hours, in support of raising funds for cancer research in Ireland and the U K. Go team!" Oh my gosh, go Lexi!
Jenna [00:32:13] You're going to climb three mountains? In 24 hours?
Angela [00:32:17] I don't even understand how that's possible.
Jenna [00:32:20] I don't either. This is a feat. Lexi, I have questions. You're saying you just completed your first proper hike in preparation? How? I mean, I know people train for marathons.
Angela [00:32:32] That's right. Well Lexi, I want to look that up because that sounds pretty impressive and I wish you all the luck.
Jenna [00:32:38] I bet you're gonna see some beautiful scenery as well. Alright, next up, Julia M. from Toledo, Ohio. Angela, I think you're going to like this. "Back on May 23rd this year, the Toledo Mudhens hosted a 'The Paper' Night. The event featured Oscar Nunez, post-game fireworks, and a can koozie giveaway."
Angela [00:33:05] Um, I knew about this because I keep up with Oscar and I saw that he was doing it, and I love the Toledo much.
Jenna [00:33:12] I know, that's why I'm saying it. You've become a fan since The Paper.
Angela [00:33:16] I've become a fan. What a fun night. Alright, our last Around the Town is from Frank B. in Lakeville, Minnesota. Frank says, "In Lakeville we have our own hometown celebrity, a shirtless guy called 'Stickman,' who spends his days walking around town carrying a giant wooden staff. He's half Tom Hanks in "Castaway" and half Midwestern Gandalf. And yes, virtually everyone knows him. What started in 2007 as a local man just going out for a walk turned into one of the most wholesome traditions in town. He walks for hours every day, handing out flyers, or waving at passing cars with a giant stick he found in the woods. Because apparently, Minnesotans will turn literally anything into a friendly gesture. Kids get excited when they spot him, and locals proudly explain him to confused visitors like, 'Ah, that's just Stickman. We love him.' Honestly, every community says they're unique, but not every community has a mysterious wandering folk hero who spreads joy on the local streets. Lakeville does, and we're proud of our hometown hero."
Jenna [00:34:23] I love it. I feel like I could be that.
Angela [00:34:26] You could be...
Jenna [00:34:27] The Sticklady.
Angela [00:34:29] The Sticklady? What does that look like for you?
Jenna [00:34:34] Well, I have a giant stick, number one.
Angela [00:34:36] Number one.
Jenna [00:34:38] And I walk around and I just wave at people and I hand out flyers about, I don't know what, anything I want.
Angela [00:34:48] Friendly things.
Jenna [00:34:48] Yeah, that's what it sounds like.
Angela [00:34:49] You know I like David Sedaris, and he just decided to clean the road by this little village he lives in, outside of London. So he's kind of become like a little local... Not celebrity, but kind of like, "Oh, he's the guy that picks up trash" and he does it every day.
Jenna [00:35:08] I mean, people must be so happy. Yeah, I could do that too.
Angela [00:35:15] Plus, who doesn't love a great stick?
Jenna [00:35:17] Who doesn't?
Angela [00:35:19] I mean, how many hours did you spend with your kids, on walks, and they'd get so excited if they found a good stick?
Jenna [00:35:25] You know what we found in our garage when we cleaned it out? Okay, this is crazy. Talk about a giant stick. Way up high, almost by the ceiling of the garage. Because we had to clear out the whole garage, we took everything out.
Angela [00:35:40] Put it in shelves and all that stuff.
Jenna [00:35:43] On a couple of nails. I don't know how long this thing has been there.
Angela [00:35:47] Like, old rusted nails?
Jenna [00:35:48] Mm-hmm. Like, perched on these nails was the longest, the length of the whole wall, piece of a bamboo stick. Lee and I were like, "What? Like, why?" Someone cared enough to put these nails here and put this up here.
Angela [00:36:11] Yeah, that bamboo stick was important to them.
Jenna [00:36:14] For what reason? We couldn't figure out what it was. So then, a few days passed. Lee comes up to me. He says, "I think I know what it's for."
Angela [00:36:26] What?
Jenna [00:36:26] I'm like, "What? What is it for?" And he said that we'd had a rain, and our gutters were full of leaves. So the rainwater was dripping down by the window, on the house. The gutter was full. He said, "I got up on a ladder. And I thought, 'I need something I can poke these leaves out with. I just need something to get these leaves out of the gutter,' and I remembered the stick. I remembered that bamboo stick." And he said, "Jenna, I got it, and it was exactly the length of the gutter. It was like pliable and it wasn't too heavy, but it was also firm enough" and he cleared our gutters. He goes, "I think that man used it to clear the gutters," he's convinced. We kept it. We put it back up on the nails.
Angela [00:37:21] I was going to say, that is part of your home now. Done.
Jenna [00:37:25] Giant stick.
Angela [00:37:26] Giant stick, what a find. I love stuff like that. Clearly, Frank from Minnesota, we got very excited about your Stickman story.
Jenna [00:37:37] Our Office question of the week comes from Sarah L. in Arlington, Virginia, who said, "If you ladies were going to do one other job on the set of The Office, which job would you want to do and why?" This is very interesting to me, Sarah, because there's the job, or jobs, that I think I would be good at, but I don't want them. Then there's a job I would want, but I think don't think I'd be good at.
Angela [00:38:01] Well, I know what you'd be good at and that'd be our line producer.
Jenna [00:38:05] Yeah.
Angela [00:38:06] You'd be very good. You would know our budget. You would know what we could spend. You would know all the things to make a stay on schedule. So that, you'd very good at. Can I try to guess what you would want to do but you don't think you'd good at?
Jenna [00:38:20] Sure. I won't be offended. This could get dicey quick.
Angela [00:38:27] Well, I was thinking, like, maybe...
Jenna [00:38:30] What am I not good at? Is basically the question that you're pondering.
Angela [00:38:38] I was gonna say, I mean, the hair and makeup trailer is a really fun place to be.
Jenna [00:38:42] What are you saying? What are saying about my hair and makeup skills?
Angela [00:38:47] I am saying, I think you put yourself together very well, but we have both sort of bonded over the years in the fact that we don't wear a lot of makeup and we don't do much with our hair. Look at us today.
Jenna [00:39:01] Okay, fair enough. That wasn't what I was thinking. Is there anything else you think I'm not good at?
Angela [00:39:05] Yeah, I'll keep going. What about the construction?
Jenna [00:39:13] [laughing] Oh my god! No! That also was not my answer.
Angela [00:39:16] Okay, I'm done. What?
Jenna [00:39:19] Directing.
Angela [00:39:20] Oh, you'd be great at directing! That's why I didn't even guess that. I disagree with your internal monolog. You'd be a great director.
Jenna [00:39:27] I don't think so. I think directors, they have to be able to look at things from the outside and paint a whole picture. I don't think, I just don't... That's not how my brain works. Like, I'm all character, you know? From the inside out. I just I don't think I would know where to point the camera or tell people to stand. I don't see it that way when I read it. But I would love to be a director because then I would be on set and I'd be in the creative process, but I will not have ever gone through hair and makeup. I wouldn't have to wear clothes that are uncomfortable.
Angela [00:40:08] Exactly.
Jenna [00:40:09] So that would be my choice, of my dream job.
Angela [00:40:12] I love directing. It's been a long time, but I had directed some theater and stuff in college. The only thing for me, because I do like a big picture, I get really impatient. There was this one gal who just was not getting the note for this performance, the note that I had. I just needed to just be like, "She's just gonna do it her way. She can't process any kind of change." But I think I was a little, I think maybe I was a a little short.
Jenna [00:40:46] Well, this is another thing about directing, which is that you get asked so many questions all day. I don't have the temperament for that.
Angela [00:40:54] It's your wedding day, every single day.
Jenna [00:40:57] Yes. Do you want this color cranberry or that color cranberry?
Angela [00:41:00] And then you have someone come up to you and you're in the middle of something and they're like, "There's no toilet paper in the bathroom," and you're like "What? What am I? I'm the bride! I'm not in charge of toilet paper today!" People just come up and say all kinds of stuff to you.
Jenna [00:41:15] You have to solve every problem, all day long.
Angela [00:41:19] And you have to be nice, and patient
Jenna [00:41:22] So what would you want to do, lady? Should I say the things I think you shouldn't do?
Angela [00:41:27] Yeah.
Jenna [00:41:27] No, I'm kidding.
Angela [00:41:28] Yes, you should. You should! Come on.
Jenna [00:41:32] I don't think you should run catering.
Angela [00:41:39] What? I throw great parties.
Jenna [00:41:41] Crafty? You can be in charge of crafty.
Angela [00:41:44] Snacks. I could be in charge of snacks.
Jenna [00:41:46] Snacks, 100%. I don't want you to cook the meals.
Angela [00:41:50] You probably don't me to. You know what? I'm good at one dish at a time.
Jenna [00:41:55] I know!
Angela [00:41:55] I am not a short order chef. I can't do that.
Jenna [00:41:58] But also you have a very limited number of meals that you cook well.
Angela [00:42:02] It's true.
Jenna [00:42:03] And you cook them well.
Angela [00:42:04] I cook them well. Josh is amazing.
Jenna [00:42:05] I'm gonna be eating the same thing all the time.
Angela [00:42:07] You are.
Jenna [00:42:07] If you're in charge catering.
Angela [00:42:08] Yeah, but snacks I could do. I would actually very much enjoy being crafty on set because then I could figure out what people's favorite snacks are. It's a love language to take care of you. I could make sure you had your favorite jelly beans or...
Jenna [00:42:21] You'd be great at craft.
Angela [00:42:22] I would love being crafty.
Jenna [00:42:25] Yeah.
Angela [00:42:27] The other one that I thought would be fun would be to be a gaffer. I love light. I love seeing how light changes a scene.
Jenna [00:42:35] Oh, okay. Yeah, I mean, it's a super cool artistic job. If there's a fakie window, you have to make me believe that's a real window using light.
Angela [00:42:44] I know, and you know what else I think is so cool? We only did this a handful of times on the set of The Office, but I've done it on movies plenty of times; where you're filming and it's broad daylight, but they make everything to look like nighttime.
Jenna [00:43:00] Day for night, they call it day for night.
Angela [00:43:02] Yeah, and they black out the windows, but then they'll let a little light through like it's moonlight. But you step outside and it is 3 o'clock in the afternoon. It's so cool.
Jenna [00:43:11] I couldn't do that job.
Angela [00:43:12] Lighting is really cool. I don't know if I'd be good at it, but I really appreciate it.
Jenna [00:43:18] Yeah, those are good answers.
Angela [00:43:21] So basically, if I wasn't acting, you think I'd be in charge of crafty?
Jenna [00:43:26] Yeah, and I would love to be directing, but I'm not sure it would be my strong suit. So I might be line producing, I might be your AD. I think I'd be good at it.
Angela [00:43:37] Yeah, you'd be a great AD.
Jenna [00:43:39] The scheduling?
Angela [00:43:40] Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Jenna [00:43:41] I think I would like it. And if I were first AD, I'd get to be on set and I'd to be around all the funny stuff.
Angela [00:43:46] I'd be on set as Crafty. I'd right outside the door there, but on stage. Crafty is a lot of times on the stage. It's just sort of behind the main structures that you're filming in. So you kind of have to be quiet over there because you know, you've got your snacks, but you see all the actors and the crew.
Jenna [00:44:05] Well, if I were second AD, then I would be back there with you, and then we would be best friends again. Okay, so you're crafty and I'm second AD.
Angela [00:44:13] Done.
Jenna [00:44:15] Alright, everybody. Thank you for sending in all of your tidbits. Thank you, for your letters.
Angela [00:44:21] Oh, wait, Sam, did you take your test?
Sam [00:44:24] I did.
Jenna [00:44:26] What are you?
Sam [00:44:27] Type 1, "The Reformer."
Jenna [00:44:29] Type one, "The Reformer." Me!
Sam [00:44:31] Yeah.
Jenna [00:44:31] We're the same. Look at us.
Sam [00:44:33] Mm-hmm.
Jenna [00:44:34] Hmm.
Sam [00:44:35] I'm 95% "The Reformer," 89% "The Investigator."
Angela [00:44:39] Oh!
Sam [00:44:39] 89% "The Challenger."
Jenna [00:44:41] Okay, what are you the least?
Sam [00:44:43] I am the least "The Loyalist."
Jenna [00:44:46] The Loyalist?
Angela [00:44:47] The Loyalist. Okay.
Jenna [00:44:48] That's weird.
Sam [00:44:49] Yeah.
Jenna [00:44:49] I mean, I don't know if it's super literal, but I find you to be very loyal.
Sam [00:44:53] Yeah, me too.
Jenna [00:44:54] Well, not according to this quiz. Again, I don't know what you said on this.
Sam [00:44:59] Yeah, exactly.
Angela [00:45:00] Well, you probably didn't strongly disagree enough.
Sam [00:45:02] Yeah, a lot of these questions are what bothered me about astrology, where it's the questions are so generic they could apply to anybody.
Angela [00:45:09] But then all of a sudden you're a Reformer.
Sam [00:45:12] Yeah, exactly.
Angela [00:45:13] Um, Matt Beagle, did you take it by any chance?
Matt [00:45:15] You know, I did and I also got the Reformer, which feels wrong.
Jenna [00:45:22] What is this test? The test is the Reformer.
Matt [00:45:25] The second one I got is the Peacemaker, which I identify more with.
Angela [00:45:30] OK, so we have -
Matt [00:45:32] Do we have a good balance?
Angela [00:45:33] We have two Reformers, one Reformer/Peacemaker, one Helper/Challenger.
Jenna [00:45:40] Is that a good way to make a podcast? It's working.
Angela [00:45:42] It's working. We did it.
Jenna [00:45:45] We did it!
Angela [00:45:46] Well, thanks to everyone who wrote in. We just had a great time with this episode and we'll see you next time.
Jenna [00:45:51] See you then.
Jenna [00:00:17] Thank you for listening to Office Ladies.
Angela [00:00:19] Office Ladies is a presentation of Audacy and is produced by Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey.
Jenna [00:00:24] Our senior producer is Matt Beagle. Our audio engineer is Sam Kieffer, and our associate producer is Aynsley Bubbico.
Angela [00:00:32] Audacy's executive producer is Leah Reis-Dennis.
Jenna [00:00:35] Office Ladies was mixed and mastered by Bill Schultz.
Angela [00:00:37] Our theme song is "Rubber Tree" by Creed Bratton.